The Gambler - Part 1 - Roll of the Dice
What if you knew—really knew—that when you chose to incarnate as a human, you didn’t just sign contracts and inherit ancestral wounds? What if, tucked in with all the karmic fine print—the sacred yearnings, the traumas, the soul missions—there was also a game of chance?
For those of us who play cards—and more importantly, for those of us who’ve turned them into a divination practice—our decks can read us for filth if we’re ready to receive. Trust me, mine have. Over the last few years, with two devastating long-term marriages beginning, burning, and ending, I’ve gone to the cards like a woman crawling to the well. I asked them: What past life most shaped this one? What outcome did that life have, and why is it echoing now like a bell I can’t unring?
What I’ve received has been nothing short of astonishing. Painful, yes. Humbling, absolutely. But also drenched in wisdom and the kind of clarity that tastes like lightning with a dry white wine chaser on the first snowfall.
And as I walked through the haunted house of memory—the old echoes of this life and others—I started to see the shimmer of something else. A reflection of growth. Of grit. Of grace in the ruins. The mistakes, the tears, the laughter, the aching beauty of the whole damn ride.
Would I change any of it? Not a goddamn thing, dear reader. Because here’s the secret: I rolled the dice. I took my chances. And I came out the winner.
Now I’m going to tell you how.
This is The Gambler. It’s a saga. A revelation. A map where there are no maps—not yet. But that’s why I’m here. To blaze the trail. To read the cards. To tell the story.
Me and these pieces? We’re still works in progress. But if you’re ready to sit at the table and have a hand dealt to you, I’ll show you what happens when you bet on yourself—even when the house is rigged. And you won’t realize it’s rigged until it’s almost too late.
You ready?
Sounds like I’m about to describe the journey of Arya Stark. (Oh, for fuck’s sake—I know.) But pull out your Ancestral Grimoire and Magick Deck by Nancy Hendrickson (you can find her on Substack). If your ancestors delight and terrify you with the Explorer card, you’re in good company, and dear reader, if you pull that card, know this: you are exiled from what you once knew. That’s not an accident. It’s design.
Last year, I had my D1 chart read—Vedic astrology—by a brilliant soul named Rani. Turns out, destiny itself exiled me from my most recent ancestral line. Makes sense. I’m a Mesa carrier from the Rainbow Lineage of Peru, and so much more. Maybe, dear reader, your lineages aren’t the same—but the exile? That might ring true.
It’s not that I forgot my Christian upbringing, far from it. Some days, it’s those old Southern Baptist gospel hymns that carry me straight into the arms of my people. But I’ve taken it all somewhere deeper - ancient - older than doctrine. I had the capacity.
In physics, capacity is defined as the amount something can hold or absorb—or the ability to do work. Specifically, in terms of batteries, it’s the amount of energy a battery can store and deliver.
And as we all know, dear reader, all life is a current. The question is: how much can you hold and deliver? That is your capacity. And that—make no mistake—is ancestrally restricted depending on the lineages you carry… and the ones that know you.
This series will dive into Akashic records, spells, monsters, and so much more, but back to the task at hand - when did I know I had the winning hand?
The truth is I don't really - I just have sign-posts that tell me so, it's up to me to fuck it up or not. I have cards I've pulled for every change of the constellations of the sun, runes for the winter mothers, etc. It's entirely up to me to use them as my map - the map that has taken me over 50 years to develop - a confluence of cards, runes, and soulful prayers that have led me to where I am at this moment.
I've written about my time in Belgium, naturally, I didn't reveal all the things shown to me, and neither should you EVER. Some things are for you and your lineage alone, guard them like the One Ring - keep it secret, keep it safe. But the dice came rolling in, and the synchronicity, oh, the synchronicity.
From High Priestess (II in Tarot) to Empress (III in tarot) - the Major Arcana graduation. These are powerful soul evolution delineations - whereas the minor arcana can show you the everyday steps that get you there - and mine? THE FIVE OF SWORDS. I sit in the essence of it now, embodying and exuding PEACE, the I AM statement I was born to be in from a Human Design perspective - all because I said YES, and rolled the dice, took my chances, and WON.
Now, when you win at the Casino, you don't normally sacrifice - but with the roll of these dice - you most certainly will. You will sacrifice MUCH. To be given much, much is required - there will be many tears shed along the way - and many whom you loved who must be left behind. As you have a choice (which I have written about many times), so do those who seemingly walk with you. If they do not choose to elevate to meet your "yes," they will be left behind. That is what the Rapture is all about, actually, and no, you do not want to be the one taken for judgment, unlike the backwards way Christians have interpreted Matthew 24:40-41. I mean if that is what you seek, then I recommend performing the 42 Laws of Ma'at prior - but if you're Christian, that's doubtful you'll seek that level of wisdom and fire ceremony out for yourself, but if you're curious, reach out and ask. I've performed it.
All this rambling is to set up the story, the road map on how this will all be detailed from my perspective and lived experience. I have no intentions of candy-coating my experiences, the things I've witnessed, and the trials the divine has bore me through - that's what this series is going to be - the journey - the road map. I hope you'll find things pertinent and useful to you're own journey.
In closing, I leave you with Don Schiltz's lyrics to The Gambler ( made famous by Kenny Rogers)
On a warm summer's eve
On a train bound for nowhere
I met up with the gambler
We were both too tired to sleep
So we took turns a-starin'
Out the window at the darkness
The boredom overtook us,
And he began to speak
He said, "Son, I've made a life
Out of readin' people's faces
Knowin' what the cards were
By the way they held their eyes
So if you don't mind me sayin'
I can see you're out of aces
For a taste of your whiskey
I'll give you some advice"
So I handed him my bottle
And he drank down my last swallow
Then he bummed a cigarette
And asked me for a light
And the night got deathly quiet
And his faced lost all expression
He said, "If you're gonna play the game, boy
You gotta learn to play it right
You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the table
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the dealin's done
Every gambler knows
That the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' what to throw away
And knowin' what to keep
'Cause every hand's a winner
And every hand's a loser
And the best that you can hope for is to die
in your sleep
And when he finished speakin'
He turned back toward the window
Crushed out his cigarette
And faded off to sleep
And somewhere in the darkness
The gambler he broke even
But in his final words
I found an ace that I could keep
You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the table
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the dealin's done
You've got to know when to hold 'em (when to hold 'em)
Know when to fold 'em (when to fold 'em)
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the table
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the dealin's done
You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the table
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the dealin's done
